I gotta ride in a police jeep!

I consider it to be one of the perks of working in the media sector. Just the other day I had gone to meet the Circle Inspector of a nearby area at the site of an ongoing project. As he was answering my questions, he suddenly said I would understand better if we went around the site in his jeep. And I readily jumped in! After all, it isn’t everyday that you get to ride in a police jeep!

Though the ride lasted less than ten minutes, I was nevertheless thrilled. I am, of course, cursing myself for not having taken a photograph from the jeep. But hey, I still got to sit in one!

It might not seem that big a deal to some but I’m thrilled

Here’s to more such joyrides!

BIG MOUTHED MED EDUCATION MINISTER

Ramachandra Gowda throws his weight around at a function

I recently attended the inaugural function of an art gallery in the city. What was probably organised to be a smooth affair with no glitches was unfortunately defaced by a minister in power – Ramachandra Gowda, Minister of Medical Education. The minister made some very ‘stupid’ statements calling some of the artists “pseudo intellectuals” and that they were doing perverted things in the name of modern art. For a minister who probably knows jack about modern art, it was quite a dangerous and ignorant statement to make. He was really asking for trouble. Artist M S Murthy who was standing right at the back started speaking saying the minister should not say such things without knowing anything. Gowda meanwhile tried to act even smarter and told him to keep quiet. “This is the government speaking”, he said. Ooooooh! Clearly, asking for trouble. He ordered one of the policemen to take Murthy out and asked him to get out.

Even as the cops escorted Murthy outside, many of the artists from the audience also walked out, condemning the statements made by Gowda. It was pretty hilarious, seeing Gowda’s face. All cameras which were facing him were now running in the opposite direction to catch all the action outside. He kept mumbling something. Everyone clearly knew, that he knew nothing about art or modern art for that matter. He was making an arse of himself. Poor Ambika Soni, Union Minister of Culture and Tourism, tried to cool off things by making some very diplomatic statements saying “Art is best left to the artists”. But the artists were left peeved.

For those who worked day and night for the gallery to see the light of day, this is the last thing they would have wanted. Most of the artists were already on the edge because some of the leading artists of the city were allegedly not invited for the function. All this just added fuel to the fire.

I for one was quite amused by the end of it all. I was wondering why the Medical Education Minister was invited for the opening of an art gallery. And why did this man prepare a speech when he knew nothing about modern art? Didn’t the gallery officials have the slightest idea that this man would know zilch about the subject and would be totally out of place. Why did they have to call leader of Opposition Mallikharjun Kharge (Congress) and Gowda (BJP)? Were they hoping to catch them hugging and kissing at the arty affair? It looked like even they were asking for trouble. For Kharge it was the perfect opportunity to take on the ruling party of the state. They, afterall, are waiting for moments like this. Ambika Soni (Congress), on the other hand, looked like she wanted to hide her face with her pallu.

As for me, these politicians deserved all the embarrassment after making us wait for 30 minutes as they slowly sauntered in for the function.

RAJNI ROCKS!

SOME POINTS TO PONDER OVER ABOUT TAMIL SUPERSTAR RAJNIKANTH! It is a copy paste job, got it from http://txtb.in/1LE

Rajnikanth makes onions cry

Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rajnikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.

Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajnikanth can drown a fish.

When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajnikanth.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Rajanikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth has counted infinity–twice.

Rajnikanth doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.

Rajnikanth once are an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way!

Rajnikanth can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.

Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.

When Rajnikanth falls in water, Rajnikanth doesn’t get wet. Water gets Rajnikanth.

Rajnikanth can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Rajnikanth has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Rajnikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Rajnikanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Rajnikanth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Rajnikanth’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Rajnikanth

If you want a list of Rajnikanth’s enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Rajnikanth does both legs at once.

Rajnikanth does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

There are two kinds of people in this world: 1) those who are dead 2) those who have yet to meet

Rajnikanth does not listen to music, Music listens to Rajnikanth.

TRY MESSING WITH HIM NOW!

Of wedding bells, silk saris & pink chaddis!

The whole world is talking about him. And there is an entire brigade that wants to send him something special this Valentine’s day. No, it isn’t Brad Pitt or Shah Rukh Khan. It’s Pramod Muthalik. Every ‘loose pub-going forward’ woman wants to send this man a pair of pink chaddis (new or used, fragrant or smelly!). When I was wondering what I should write next here, the pink chaddis no doubt emerged the winner. But I felt I would be giving this man too much importance (like he hasn’t got enough already) by writing about it. But then again, the pink chaddis were just irresistible. So I decided to take the plunge.

It is amazing that this saffron-clad man has woken up an entire nation and gotten them talking. When he says he will walk around with a mangalsutra on V-day to immediately wed PDA couples or get the girls to tie a rakhi to the boy, it sounds absolutely ridiculous. But then again, a discussion with my friends got me to see the bright side of this. We suggested that two of my friends who are a couple (the girl a Hindu, the boy a Muslim) should look at this as the perfect opportunity to wed. We told them to walk hand-in-hand on V-day, be very visible to a Sri Ram Sene member, and when they thrust mangalsutra in the boy’s hand, just tie it round her neck. This might save some drama in their families when they actually plan to wed!

But coming back to the pink chaddis, the Sene has now lashed back saying they will give saris in return to the pink chaddis. All we have to say is, Mr Muthalik, if you are planning to send us saris, just send us some expensive silk saris (Nalli or Deepam would do! It’s not like we are asking for a Satya Paul or a Ritu Kumar)! Hope I haven’t left the poor man red-faced or must I say ‘pink’-faced!

FILL FUEL, ASK FOR A BILL

Even as the UPA government is being abnormally generous with the citizens of the country by reducing fuel prices ever so often, those at the petrol bunks aren’t so generous. As often as I fill gas these days, with my frequent trips around the city, these fellows at the gas stations are always out to try to make more than an extra bunk. I generally make it a point to fill up my tank at one bunk. That’s what most people do when they own two-wheelers. But each time I go there, they end up quoting a price higher than the actual one. It is for this reason that I always fill a standard amount of petrol – 60 oil, 2 litres. This is for me to keep track of changes in the price. I never fill more or less. But these guys who fill the petrol for you are damn smart. Either they try to distract you in the beginning by repeatedly asking you “how much petrol, madam”, or charging you extra for it. And not everyone keeps track of how much a litre of petrol costs. In the past 8 months alone, the price has been reduced more than three times. So here’s the trick. It isn’t a trick actually, just some uncommon common sense. ALWAYS ASK FOR A BILL. Yeah, one in a million motorists ask for a bill at a petrol bunk. Most don’t even realise that you can ask for a bill. But thanks to my dad, I know, and I ask for one. And it prevents them from cheating me every alternate day when I fill fuel. Take this for example, I filled the usual amount and asked him how much it costs (This was after the recent price cut by Rs 5). He said 116 rupees. I knew he was lying because that is how much I was paying before the fuel price cut. So I asked him for the bill and he immediately changed the amount to 105 rupees. This happened to me two times at the same petrol bunk. So now I ask for a bill. And mind you, I ask for a bill only when I know he is asking for a higher price. If he asks for the right amount, I don’t ask for the bill.

So there you go. Next time you are filling up your tank, ask for a bill. And see what the difference is for yourself.

BACK AFTER A LONG HIATUS

It has been more than a year since I have posted something here and I thought it was time I got back to it. Since I am back home in Bangalore, after an unpleasant 8 months in Mumbai, I wanted to write, which I do get to do in my new job. Will try to be more regular from now. What I’ll write about will continue to be the same – random. Will add a new post soon.