Pavement on Spencer Road

Spencer Road

This is how the pavement looks on Spencer Road right outside my office. It is preposterous that the footpath was dug up, apparently to be relaid, but god knows when.

We are stressed, not stupid

This morning, during a conversation with my father, he very matter-of-factly stated that he does not pay too much attention to the food I make every day and that he just eats what is made with no fuss. I replied, saying, ‘Thanks a lot.’ To be honest, it hurt. It reminded me of an article that author Chetan Bhagat had written in his column in The Times of India in July 2011.

Bhagat wrote a sort of open letter to Indian women after a survey was carried out by Nielsen about how women in our country are the most stressed out in the world. Read his article here if you haven’t already, before proceeding further.

“What are we doing to our women?” Bhagat asks.

Well, Mr Author, the problem is, men (like yourself) aren’t doing anything.

Before you assume that this blogpost is going to be a rant because of what my father said to me this morning, let me stop and correct you. I understand the context in which my father said what he did. And he’s 71 years old. I completely understand.

However, as I said, it reminded me of Bhagat’s column.

At a first glance, I know some women will applaud the writer for his letter, as women are being acknowledged.

But his column talks about everything that is wrong with this world today.

Bhagat says that in a world without women, there would be “body odour, socks on the floor and nothing in the fridge to eat.” Excuse me, but is that why women are born into this world? To rid you of body odour, pick up your socks and put some food in the fridge for you to eat?

Can’t you pick up your own socks? Or have a bath and rid yourself of that body odour? For a change, can you make some food and put it in the fridge?

Our stress doesn’t stem from this. But more on that later. We shall first understand the suggestions that Bhagat gives to reduce stress levels.

“Give it back to that mother-in-law.” I am not married, but from what I hear, it would be a lot nicer if husbands stood up for their wives more often instead of allowing an opportunity to “give it back”.

Second, if my boss does not value me, Bhagat says I should quit. Sir, if my boss is a woman, and she herself is under a lot of stress, what advice would you give her?

I have no complaint about Bhagat’s third suggestion. He is, however, stating something that we already know.

It is Bhagat’s fourth suggestion that makes me cringe and as one of my school teachers used to say, ‘makes my blood boil’. This is also the point that I was reminded of this morning during the conversation with my father.

“…do not ever feel stressed about having a dual responsibility of family and work. It is difficult, but not impossible. The trick is not to expect an A+ in every aspect of your life. You are not taking an exam, and you frankly can’t score cent per cent (unless you are in SRCC, of course). It is okay if you don’t make four dishes for lunch, one can fill their stomach with one. It is okay if you don’t work until midnight and don’t get a promotion. Nobody remembers their job designation on their dying day.”

The dual responsibility of family and work is possible and difficult. We have a world of women doing this. Why is Chetan Bhagat telling us that it’s not impossible? Where did he come flying from to tell us something we already know?

Anyways, even if I do think it is impossible, according to Bhagat there’s a trick out of it! And that’s to not expect an A+ all the time. Hello. But does he really think I expect an A+ when I get up and make breakfast every morning?

We may be stressed, but we are not stupid, Mr Bhagat.

The writer however doesn’t stop here. He goes on to console Indian women, saying, ‘Don’t make four dishes for your family. Make how many ever you can.’ This is where the fundamental problem lies. Not once is Bhagat even suggesting that men (brothers, fathers, husbands, sons) assist the women in the household to relieve them of some stress.

Why don’t you make one dish for lunch instead of telling me that it’s okay not to make four?

“Your neighbour may make a six-dabba tiffin for her husband, you don’t – big deal.” I mean, come on. Mr Bhagat, I think you are watching too much television. No one cares a rat’s backside about how many dabbas the neighbour’s husband is getting. It seems like you care more.

The premise of Bhagat’s column is that women should continue doing what they are doing (probably cook a little less lunch than usual), the men are going to continue to leave their socks on the floor and we should feel absolutely stress-free.

Stress, very often, is self-induced. But there are a lot of external factors that can help address this. Bhagat has very conveniently not touched upon this, saying since it’s the women who are stressed, it’s their problem, let them deal with it, I am doing my duty by telling you to not feel stressed.

Mr Bhagat, you say we Indians have the habit of exploiting those without power. That society puts power above equality and justice. Your entire article is a contradiction. If you want to talk equality and justice, tell the men in the world to get up and make a six-dabba tiffin for their wives.

“We judge, expect too much, don’t give space and suffocate our women’s individuality.” So find a solution to this, instead of telling women to chill and not stress out.

“These regressive attitudes will take a while to change.” Yes, as long as you write columns about picking up dirty socks and body odour, these regressive attitudes will most certainly take a while to change.

“Now smile, before your mother-in-law shouts at you for wasting your time reading the newspaper.” Well, I am no one to judge, but I think the mother-in-law is right. It was a waste of time.